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Let's Talk About This...

Regina Devers

3 min read

Apr 26

22

0

Communication and relationships are perhaps one of the most talked about topics across various media channels. So it is only fair that we explore them collectively and separately to make sense of what has become a tireless journey for most. According to dictionary.com, communication has a few definitions; however, two of them will be used today. Communication is the imparting or exchanging of information or news and communication is the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings. I have spoken in several of my other blogs about communication and relationships as well.


Did They Hear Me?

Perhaps one of the worst experiences was when I was a teenager and needed guidance to get through the awkwardness of being in high school with barely any friends and was also bullied. Second, I was treated like I did not have feelings or a mind to think for myself. This came as a shock to me because I thought that there were people who had my best interest in mind. I would soon find out that these confidants had an agenda and I was a part of their game. I never thought that the same people I shared my most intimate secrets with would betray me and share some of my business. I finally was okay enough to tell that I was molested when I was younger by a man who was supposed to protect me. Instead of being embraced I was made fun of and told that I asked for this. Did they hear me? Did they hear the terrified little girl? Did they even consider that this could easily be their story or even the story of a girl that they know?


Communication Style Did Not Matter

According to status.net there are four communication styles. The communication styles are listed as passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. Recognizing these styles can help you improve your communication skills and adapt to different situations. I quickly went from a passive communicator to an aggressive one. As a passive communicator, I kept apologizing when I did nothing wrong. I had lost my confidence in people who were supposed to be in my life as protectors. I grew angry and this resulted in my sharing of information, conveying my feelings in a tone of rage. I mean what was the point? These same people who were once my confidants were experiencing every ounce of mistreatment that they had no idea I knew about at their hands.


Time To Move On

If you recall in the previous subtopic I mentioned going from passive communicator to aggressive communicator. But do you know why? Did you know that this lifestyle, being aggressive, is typically met with the destruction of relationships? These relationships are friendships, family, church, and even the ones at work. This behavior can affect your life in ways unimagined as well. The most important part of communication is the conversation we have with ourselves. It took time but I eventually moved on from the pain of vulnerability. The first step to this was forgiveness. In one of my therapy sessions, my therapist informed me of a new treatment that she wanted to start me on. Cognitive Therapy was said to be a great way for me to move on. I began the therapy and began to see through the lens of someone who trusted and now has an outlook on my responsibility in what happened as well. I know it is a bit much but there are good people out there to share and will hear you. The "trick" is that you do it with a clean heart and a readiness to receive.



Regina Devers

3 min read

Apr 26

22

0

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